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I like you, two [Jan. 2nd, 2013|01:32 pm]
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If I sent you a link to this, that means I like you. I'm bad at interpersonal stuff, especially opening conversations and negotiations when I'm unsure of where exactly we might stand. This is my attempt to evade that hurdle, by putting everything on the table at once. I'm sorry if it seems impersonal, but hopefully you'll reply and we can begin a dialogue on the subject that isn't.

I want to...
chat with you online
exchange emails with you, at length
be in the same place at the same time as you
share your company in a social setting with our mutual friends
share your company in an indoor or outdoor activity with our mutual friends
monopolize your company in a public social setting
monopolize your company in a private social setting
travel to visit you
or vice versa
play video games with you
play tabletop games with you
spend the night with you
cuddle
see you naked
engage with you in any of my kinks I've already told you about
engage with you in any of my kinks I haven't already told you about
learn about your kinks
engage in them with you
give you an orgasm
or vice versa

I am not a fan of being constrained by labels (although I do like having accurate labels, where possible). I don't require any particular sort of relationship, or any action as a pre-requisite to any other. If what you're comfortable with is hanging out in public and cuddling on movie night dates, that's cool. If you want to sleep over and do kinky things but not cuddle or have sex, or vice versa even, that's cool. Consider this an incomplete checklist of things I might enjoy doing with you, and feel free to check or not check, or discuss or not discuss, any particular items at your discretion.

I do have to be straightforward on one crucial point. The amount of effort I invest in our relationship will be somewhat proportional to how much enjoyment or fulfillment I get out of it (unless we have Something Serious; there are definitely people for whose enjoyment I will disproportionately sacrifice my own). To put that into terms that seem obvious but offend some people and will come across as brutally blunt... I'll talk to you more often, and provide a shoulder for you to cry on, if we sometimes talk about things that I am interested in, and if you're also a good listener when I need one. I'll travel farther and more often to see you if we are having sex. I don't require instant gratification, and I'm capable of investing for the future and quite confident in my abilities of extrapolation, so don't worry if we aren't both on exactly the same timeline with regard to things, but know that in the long run they will tend to equalize.

In light of all this, what furthering of our relationship would be comfortable to you, and what might I do to accommodate that? I assign sufficient value to keeping our acquaintance or friendship stable that I would give up the possibility of having more with you to avoid significant risk of alienating you out of my own ignorance.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: vortex
2013-01-02 09:59 pm (UTC)

(Link)

Shouldn't this all be a "given" in every relationship?

I figure anyone who has social skills should know this information instinctively. Though I know a few people from the mid-west who don't have these skills. Particularly a few people from Wisconsin...they don't get out much...
[User Picture]From: sparr0
2014-04-08 06:59 pm (UTC)

(Link)

Look up the "relationship escalator" for how many people view this sort of thing.